Dear Guillianna and Elijah-
Here are a few more memories for you both!
The words for what we feel when we see your smiles cannot do justice to the reality of your happiness while living and visiting in the Mitten. The way you’ve been missed is sincere and the truth is – never would we miss sending love to you, not ever miss sending wishes on our daughters birthday, your birthdays , or Christmas- not ever! Yet that is what we have been asked to do. The heartbreak it must be for you two is so sad and we wish that there was reconsideration in all of this. A ways for older people to see that you are worthy of being loved by so many others , loving your grandparents , great grandparents, aunts , uncles and cousins… so worthy of having a healthy life with all of these things as well as loving parents and new beginnings… they can and should go hand in hand after nine years of letting you bond and attach, it would only seem fair to allow you to have pen pal friends, and active grandparents and other relatives in your life in addition to the new ones that have been introduced on this most recent journey. We wish everyone could see the value of family and the value of every single person who has ever loved all of these lives. However, it is about choices, and these are not choices we made. We did nothing to deserve the treatment we have been given, and the distortion is so diturbing. Sometimes you cannot help or change the mind of someone who is pulled or conflicted, or if they cannot see the effects of their decisions , or maybe cannot even see truth. You will one day have choices to make as well, a choice to decide if you will value people for what they teach you, to value the love they have for you, to value the effort made to provide you opportunity or value the people in general despite what they give or do, but to be humane and kind and respectful of all people – despite personal differences, and treat them as you know is a fair and just representation of the love in your hearts , ardent love and base your lives upon what is your actual experience was with us, what strengthens you, what you know to be historically factual and tie it all together with the emotions that the love of ALL family brings. If someone ever lets “untruths” become “reality”, the outcome is beyond sad and not easily repaired. That, we fear, is something that could potentially cost you both very deeply- for it has cost us and so many others who love mom today for for so many years, with all their heart and soul. The emotional and physical changes in your lives are beyond imaginable, and we write these letters for your tomorrows – hoping you will be able to balance the love a child has for parent, that your love for parent is stronger that our children’s love for us, with these events that have cost you the freedom to openly love your grandparents and all of the rest of your family and friends. The mindset you have been guided to, or what only can appear to be some sort of potential manipulation (since we have no other explanation for any of this), to believe or perceive us as any of what is listed below-
not caring, ( not a truth)
abandoning, ( not a truth)
being untrustworthy, ( not a truth)
being somehow bad, ( not a truth)
Or any other possible explanation you may have been given for our disappearance from your lives … all of these options come with huge detrimental baggage. There is no truth, no honest explanation for us to understand. To disown or disconnect every single aspect of our lives from the lives of our grandchild children sends a message that we have done something wrong to warrant this. We have not.
Shortly after you two first left here we were told it was you two who did not want to talk to us ? Yet when you left you both so wanted to call and talk and were told you would return in a few weeks for an appointment that was on the schedule – that your things were left behind because you’d be back. Bikes, toys, clothes, everything, except some Christmas gifts and the one small box each of you were able to take. ( or things I have since sent, if even given to you ) We went from sobbing and the horrible sorrow you both endured when you left to us hearing “THEY DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU”. No explanation. No sign of this from you two and only concern over what could have been done the make your hearts turn 180 degrees to dislike, discord, or any other possible reason for not wanting to see or speak to two people you deeply loved and loved being with ? The only possible thing we can feel is that your desire to speak with us feels to you like you’re choosing between people you love – and that is not anything anyone should have to do.
We could not imagine what happened, we wonder were you afraid to call? If true, What could have been said to make you not want to see or speak to us? Then bits and pieces of stories have emerged. That we hurt you ? That we didn’t take good care of you ? That Eli was made to DRINK vinegar? That untruth, in particular showed us the way this was going to unfold- a comment with the lightest smidgen of accuracy – contorted into complete utter misrepresentation of the truth. Never did he drink, nor was he made to drink vinegar. NEVER. Interestingly to us both is this , No one asked us , no one has even remotely tried to talk with us about any such episode, what we have heard is just accusatory and these accusations without any discussion at all, seemingly this opportunity has deliberate intent to destroy the bond you had with your Nana and Poppy. There has been no effort to discuss this or anything else about your time in the Mitten – As a matter of fact , after all these years, we didn’t even hear about your premature move from the Mitten from any adult. We heard about it from Guillianna herself. Poor thing, Guillianna was placed in the position, out of her own fears and tears, sorrow , and uncertainty, to tell us of all the plans that had been made to move you both in the middle of your 3rd grade and kindergarten school year when we had been told that you were staying in the Mitten until the end of the year that Guillianna would be in 5th grade. Quite a quick and unexpected change to be sure. When we asked , it was said, it wasn’t a choice. That (due to circumstances to discuss when older )- there was a forced issue to go to the new location by the Army. At one point Nana was asked, by her daughter, to go to the doctor Guge had treatment with, to get a letter to say the importance of following up with the doctor post surgically – to stay, in the Mitten, and Nana did ask the doctor to do so. The doctor did agree it was important to follow up. But there were variables that will reveal themselves someday as to what was the honest situation. The part that is factual and free to fully disclose is this – We did what our daughter asked us to do – every time she asked our help – we tried to help her. We never asked her to move, we never complained she was living in the Mitten as has been said, never complained that you were living there, as was also claimed, we never told a single soul that we were in anyway unhappy with either of you and let’s be clear – you were not ever a burden. It’s been said that Aunt Pam ( my ex husbands sister) told your mom these things, and never would that have been said by her, not ever because there would be no greater impossibility than for someone who knew we love you who knows the depth of our love and the joy you brought to all you know in the Mitten! There is the matter of calling Nanas ex husband – someone she has been divorced from for many years. He is surely not someone we are very close with in recent years, however all of he and all of his family, aunts, uncles and cousins have remained a part of our family for many years , and will surely when your older maybe you’ll be able to get answers one day that can support the love we have always had for you . Mom actually has called my ex husband recently , but not Poppy. Not Nana, but the person she felt could spark the most heartache. To call him and not her own father on his birthday. To call him and not her own father on Father’s Day, spoke volumes to Poppy. And she had to work a bit to do it- She actually called his ex girlfriend to get in touch with him. Made the statement to be sure not to share her phone number with anyone. It was really quite sad and more reason for us to worry for you both. This was weeks ago. Quite sad that she called so many in the Mitten to get to what she wanted, but won’t let you speak to your Poppy or Nana, it’s sad for sure to see someone try so hard to be hurtful. My ex husband has not been around much during the years you lived with us. But it seems mom needed to vent her feelings to someone. Those stories showed us more of what we could not even begin to imagine before. Stories of us not sending Guillianna Valentine’s Day gifts last year also untrue. We had sent both of you gifts – then there was the missed post operative appointment, the call to tell mom of the reminder call from the doctor, where she said she would call the Mitten and cancel it, but didn’t. Then then the ultimate sign of the depth of dishonesty was when we last FaceTimed. Now to date, Poppy has not seen either of your faces since December 2017. I was fortunate enough to get a FaceTime call when your mom heard we “moved”. Elijah was on first he asked why we moved, I actually happened to be at our old house and had not yet moved when you two called. So he wanted to see his room , and I showed him. Still exactly as it was when he left – all his things still in the same places. For some reason he was so worried Gray may have moved in and taken his bed… I explained to Elijah that we didn’t need such a big house since daddy was out of the Army that mom and dad would not be needing you to live with us he proceeded to on his own – show me a thumbs down ? sign when I said that, and was whooshed away, I spoke to Guillianna who was showing me her new room – until it was said “let’s go it’s time for bed , it is 730 and a school night “. I asked “can you just FaceTime dad he is at the office” and was told “no it’s too late, it is bed time”, Guillianna asked “can we call him tomorrow? ” and was told yes, Guillianna then said “can we do it in the morning on our way to school like we used to do ” The next thing was “ok! hang up let’s go ” Not a word from either of the kids since. Only a call to Nana’s ex husband. Odd but true.
Sadly, right after, that Aunt Alyx died. It was determined that you’d not be coming declined because Guillianna was “too sad,” and we were told “was walking around with a photo of Alyx crying”- yet Guge had not even seen or spoken to Alyx for over three years – other than the day of a family photo in August and a family dinner that same week. Now, from the return from Korea in March 2017. The photo was in August 2017 and never in those months was there contact between you two children and Aunt Alyx, the only time was for that approximate 30 min in August where in all of us gathered for photos and a dinner in Clarkston with the whole family. Poppy was told that no trip would be made and it was because of how sad it made Guillianna. Poppy said – “its so sad that Guillianna is sad and misses Alyx, I can only imagine and wonder how she must feel about not seeing us and how we have somehow disappeared- ”. The fact that the two of you wanted Nana to take you to school or pick you up, the fact that seeing Poppy made you both smile ear to ear – for 9 and 6 years did not matter. Cold turkey – and that was the right of parents, to decide who you two as children can see, and when and how they will allow others to influence the lives of their kids. Our situation is we were told that the philosophy lived was to – “cut people out of your lives like a kindergartener cuts out paper snowflakes”, a concept we will NEVER agree with and that, is our right. If words have been spoken to say Nana or Poppy were unkind, unfair, not good, not caring, if words have been said that have altered your memories or made you hide your true feelings, for self preservation, these love letters are here for your tomorrows, to say we understand, we want you to be happy, we love our daughter and you both and yes, they may remain unread, they may seem unimportant, boring , or a million other things to you at different times of your lives, but they are memories that no one can take from us. No one has the right to turn our love into something less, and no right to change the facts. No right to lie about our love, our dedication and our effort to serve the needs our daughter to finish school to preserve your educational future, to help her build her professional military career provide. No right, to ever say, anything other than this, the love we have in our hearts is true, it is undying, these words will last beyond our lives and they will be as true then as they are today.
You are two amazing individuals who have had the very best any of us can offer, your parents love you, your grandparents love you , teachers , friends, cousins, aunts , uncles , so many happy memories and yes there is hope for better tomorrows! Family will always be family – no distance will change it, no amount of dishonesty or misunderstanding can alter it, Our hope is that the love we all share can some how, some day become a positive. We can and will hope you’ll get to come visit on a school break or we will be allowed to come visit you. To agree to disagree may be necessary and to strive for what is most fair and honest to you both . After all- If someone grown doesn’t like a particular food, it’s possible for others to enjoy that food right ? We will always stand behind the words written here, that we were good and honest parents to all our children and to our grandchildren. We will hope- eternally hope, that one day this will all change and you can love people without hurting anyone. We may not ever be the parents our children hoped for, but we are human beings who want to share in the life of you both. Balance and peace for you both is what you deserve. What all of us deserve – yet we have no other option but hope for now- that one day you will know that your memories are real and very happy. Even if we are never granted the opportunity to see you again, these letters will tell you the entire story. That we are anything bad or sad, which seems to be what has been conveyed to you in the actions and steps taken over these past months. One day we hope you will know the importance of family, love and treasure it. Do not let history of distrust, hate and disconnect repeat itself. The relationship of child to parent is usually one of love and respect. And usually, things like this do not happen. Our lives have been dedicated to our children and we have no understanding of how in this example that you’ve been shown with us, on how to treat others, is justified – so we write to say we are so sad that innocent children, your lives, have been affected by the unilateral desire to sever all ties to the Mitten and all those you have loved here.
We love you and always will love you – to the moon and back,
forever and for always….
XOXOXOXOXOXO
❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?