What if ?

Dear Guillianna and Elijah –

I hope that when you’re grown that you’ll never have to ask yourselves “what if?”        To imagine our own children asking themselves  “what if ? I had just listened,   What if I just trusted? , what if I didn’t cut out my grandparents and parents and siblings, nieces and nephews from my life like paper snowflakes? , what if my parents have loved me all along the very same way I love my children? , what if it was I who simply could not allow myself to trust?”    I wonder if Aunt Alyx would be here today if she could have asked “ what if I listen to my mom and dad and stay away from drugs ?”  “What if I trust the people who love me?”   What if everything Nana and Poppy have ever done with and for me,  And my kids, Guillianna and Elijah,  was pure love and yet  the past didn’t allow it to be seen?      What if Nana and Poppy should not have been removed from your lives ?       All of these “WHAT IF “  questions are not in this situation , yours to ask. You never have to wonder what if about anything to do with what has transpired over these past months.    This is not your fault.  THIS WHOLE SAD STORY , has not been your fault.    Great grandparents, cousins, aunts , uncles,  not being spoken to or  seen, birthdays missed, Christmas and New Years wishes,  and all had been your life in the past is not something for you to ever worry about for it has not been something you can or should have to ever worry about.   When you’re older you will have opportunities to see or speak to those who are still here, and they will welcome the chance to get it hear all about  your lives !   And as to anyone who you could potentially not see again- depending upon your parents intentions, they know how you have lived them.   We absolutely know how much love you have had in your hearts and all the wonderful moments we have shared.  That is what we will always treasure.    You must not ever feel responsible for any of these sad things for you are not responsible.

Instead we hope you’ll see all the wonderful things you did while in the Mitten , we hope you’ll remember all the wonderful people who were a part of your lives and you a part of theirs …

We love you both to the moon and back –

forever and for always –

Remember this – you are both so deserving of all the good memories, of more time with those you love, deserving of more Mitten memories and trips to visit , and we will always hope that one day people who could help you to have more of all things good more time more love and fun, will say what if ? To themselves and actually try to see truth see life given as a gift to be grateful for rather than not enough .   Ask seriously of self – What if Nana and Poppy have only ever loved our children and tried to break though the barriers of a very difficult Romanian past – and despite our inability to reach some hearts, we still do believe in love and that love can win and one day your mom will see her parents, as they truly are, and what they meant to her children, if not herself.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

 

Nana and Poppy send love to you today and always !

Dear Guillianna and Elijah-

Hope you will one day know how loved you are by so many people –  we hope you are working hard at learning, building the very best possible lives for yourselves and always know that we are so sad for the fact that grown up problems  have so severely affected the two of you.    The most important thing we can try to accomplish is to spare you both from ever thinking it is your fault, that it is abnormal to love your grand parents, that anyone should ever have to choose between love and approval from parents and their grandparents.     Grandparents are meant to help you as you grow, to allow you to feel happy and safe when in our care,  and for you to ever imagine anything less than that,  while living in the Mitten,  is more than just unfair, it would be hurtful to you and your future happiness.  So today we will say again – we love you, we hope you are working hard at making your tomorrows bright and that you are treating others the way you would always hope to be treated.    I hope our daughter can learn this same lesson in time – that how she treats her parents, if she lies to her self or others and tells herself and you that  you were unhappy here in the Mitten, the present day gain she feels in holding you back from having a relationship will be short lived.    Her anger or distrust comes from something far beyond your current ability to understand  and it  is totally personal, believing no one is trustworthy, that you had a bad experience in the Mitten and making it look as though you can only trust her,  enables her to continue  a self fulfilling prophecy, it seems by the actions thus far – someone has made  certain you both are fed  the untruths-, that life for you  in the Mitten was bad.     and if she is honest and allows the real feelings of love and joy And try helping her children have accessibility to all they loved in the Mitten, and not attempting to serve her own personal agenda or feeding her own issues and need to hate,  over the need of others to love .  That day will be the day you’ll get to call when ever you want, see all those you love, visit and spend time with family and friends in the Mitten.

We love you both and are so sad that you have been in the middle of this very sad situation.     We will hope for you to live with millions of new memories being made, filling you lives with laughter and new experiences , that when they are coupled with all the good memories of your years in the Mitten – the end result can and should be pure joy and happiness,Again, remember we will always  love you both – to the moon and back , forever and for always

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy ❤️?

 

Lifting up the heart when it needs it …

Dear Guillianna and Elijah –

Today would have been Aunt Alyx’s 31rst birthday …   and it is exceptionally hard to be uplifting in writing about such sadness, especially when Nana and Poppy can’t see Aunt Alyx- and equally sad when people we love who are living yet choose not to see us.    The words I write in my letters are to keep looking for what is good and what I am grateful for. To remind myself and you both to keep the chin up, look at the positive and the good that all of us have in our lives and while we can be sad for the choices others make we can hold on to the good memories.

It’s true Alyx had many emotional issues.   The doctors tried to help her but she often didn’t listen.    After being left in an orphanage she felt abandoned by her Romanian family.  She then came to the United States of America and began a new life.   The emotional scars of young children can carry so much unforgiving weight and some of our children have had real difficulty handling the adult reactive challenges they faced when grown. The fears, the parts of their development that allows them to trust, and see people for who they are and not what they assume.  These love letters are so important  to us.    Even if they prove to be worthless to anyone or everyone else, they are feeling from our heart and our sincere concern for your healthy and conscious knowledge of our love and dedication to your happiness, safety, growth/development during your time in the Mitten and to this day, and for ever and always… The knowledge of this fact, the truth felt in your hearts can only help you when grown.     No abandonment, no resentment, no need for you to ask why didn’t we care for you, whey didn’t we send you cards, birthday gifts and love letters – for we did.   We did all that was humanly possible to please your parents and care for you both.   That knowledge can be key to a security that has eluded some of our children.    We have never been able to get some to see what was right there before them, blind to the love, having parents and a  home, redial to allow any feeling of love, comfort of allowing themselves to attach , no appreciation for the pleasures, the fun, opportunities.  The fear, the emotional trauma of the past was carried and fed.  The result devastating for us – but we when we see all of the good memories, when we see the many many things we can be grateful for we are uplifted.    You two are here in this world and born to two people who love you because Poppy and Nana loved, all the grandchildren, all of the laughter and good memories cannot be erased or “cut out of life” …   and if these memories  are only fed,  or given,  negativity-  the long term result saddens both Poppy and I.     The childhood memories that could have been tainted, become a little more clear when you see the smiles and the joy in your childhood photos on this site, in your memories in your head and as you make more.   Here are some memories of Aunt Alyx!

We know you can’t remember her well, since in the past stay of three years in the Mitten, you only ever saw her twice once  when we had the family photo taken with mom and dad returned from Korea, and the night before st a family dinner.    When you were small she was there every day – and she struggled every day

We hope you will always know and remember this simple truth- we love you both to the moon and back,

forever and for always

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

From here to the moon and back …

Dear Guillianna and Elijah –

From here to the moon and back was more than a favorite- it was played so many times you used to put it on repeat and it would go for hours, you’d sing it and act out the tipping of your hat and tell us how you loved us!   This song plays on in our heads and hearts repeatedly.   We hope you will always know our love is forever – every day we hope that we will get  to see you – to talk to you both – and that mom will see the truth about how loved you both are by everyone and that everyone in the Mitten has only ever loved and given you great happiness.  Learn that families are to be valued and all of those who have always loved her are worth more than words could ever say.    For now – and until you’re able to find a way through all of the confusion,  we will write.  We leave you these memories  and hope for you to have great smiles one day that can be  freely shown and shared with mom and dad and all of the rest your family .  We love you both to the moon and back – forever and for always ,

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?