On this day ….
Dear Guillianna and Elijah-
My phone chimed this morning and it was an “on this day” reminder in my photos. There was the photo of the special dinner we went to before your mom took you to meet dad. The last time Poppy was able to hug you since you left the following day while he was at work. The multiple times he has asked simply to see your faces and talk to you are countless. We went from hearing the response you got when you asked through your tears, “yes, you can call anytime”, and “you’ll be back in a few weeks for a doctors appointment “, to this present day – never seeing photos, no time for FaceTime, or hearing voices on phone calls, and they don’t want to speak to you!
Comments that we have done things like lied to hurt you, that you were made to ”drink vinegar”, that you were abused to the point of turning and doing a 180 from the children who had so much love and need for hugs goodnight kisses on the monitor and laughter, wishes for pick up or drop off by Nana at school, Poppy Nana days to they don’t want to see or hear from you ?
We hoped some adjustment time was all that was needed and that the emotions would subside into truths. The need for isolation would lessen and reattachment would take a honest and natural turn. Maybe it still can, and maybe it won’t for years, the pages and documents preserved will help when the day arrives that answers are sought out and these love letters can help guide you to know this simple fact. Your parents love you both so very much. They worked very hard to make their way through the demands of the military. They did so with the help of parents and family who love them. Every person is an individual and has things they feel or believe in, they have dreams or hopes for how they will live their own lives and not all people envision the same goals, objectives or value the same principles. And it is all a part of being and living free in a world where when you grow up you do get to choose the life you want. No one more right or wrong than the other when it comes to choices on things like what style clothes to wear, what type of home to buy or rent, what faith to believe, and what kind of role do you want family to play . These choices are individual and cannot be right or wrong, they are opinion. And everyone is entitled to have opinion.
We took thousands of photos over the years to share with mom and dad. Yet since last December have not seen one . The issues that are so concerning have more to do with grown up animosity and issues unrelated to innocence of two amazing kids. The effects of this animosity upon those who are innocent is what is most disturbing . The need for children to feel loved and bonded so important to child development and we will always see the following analogy as being your reality , when a person has no bond, no ability to cope with trauma, issues with trust and attachment , this personal position and deficit, now becomes the mantra that will be bestowed upon the innocent who had no preconceived notion, no issue with trust or loss, and love from every direction upon them, becomes their own issues of abandonment, distrust, and sorrow. That is the most sad thing of all.
Today we will think of the smiling faces! The love, the many memories that encompassed nine years of true happiness and fun , and we tell you in this letter of love and hope, how truly proud we are of you both. We love our daughter, her family and want happiness for all of you, and we also are very experienced in having lived through seeing the trauma of loss and change, as well as removal from all things loved. We learned in great detail the long lasting affect of emotional changes that have prevented full growth and maturity to ascend above the past trauma. The loss and changes that impact children , how the “nurture” versus “nature” can be a contributing factor that impacts relationships of those who experience adoption, or loss of influenctial loved ones, and life long toll it takes upon the innocent lives of all involved. We learned that the myriad of circumstances that can coexist among people who cannot find gratitude for what is, and only look to what isn’t or wasn’t . It is that knowledge base we have acquired over decades, that is so worrisome to this Nana and Poppy. The concern for two little ones who had no choices, no options, no way to keep what was loved while they build anew. Just severed and lies to support the rationale behind it. That is why this so much more worrisome. This love letter and all the rest written to you both will hopefully send you a sense of love, a sense of connection and help you see that it was not with intent that you’ve been put on this situation It was parental opinion. Not a lack of love, not an intentional burden for you both It is the freedom of parents to choose on behalf of their children and just like us when we tried to help our children out of our love for them , we did not know the extent of the trauma caused by the loss they felt. They love you both , and it is an opinion or guess on our part to think that maybe this is all unresolved because they simply cannot yet understand how the things you have had to adapt to, or the way it this has been handled, will truly impact you as you grow into adults. Maybe it will make you strong, maybe it will make you independent and courageous , maybe it will create distrust, or an emotional impass when casual memories conflict with expectations. Your lives, your future is not something we as grandparents take lightly, and so protecting you as any grandparent would want to do by writing if nothing else – to say you’re loved, and all of your family love you …. to make sure you know how special you are and the good, the joy the happiness you bring to everyone you’ve ever known… to let you know that as your great grandparents age and cannot see the faces of the two of you , they continue to love and think about you with great hope and dreams for you both. Yes we will write – for all of those reasons – because there is value in knowing how amazing you are, and while the other cousins can see us, can see great grandparents, can have Christmas together, you who always did, cannot. If you had not ever known this way of family, if you had not spent your entire lives with us so near, it may not be so odd or different for you – but because of what was, because of what had been foundational, we will write. And as you are loved by mom and dad and other new friends and new family you had not known before, we too will love, we will hope, and we will preserve the story of all our children. We will keep for you the story of the journeys that began and grew, when we were parents to young children , and the parental perspective of the our story that led them to be where they were in life when you were born .
Hopeful you enjoy the rest of your vacation and love on mom and dad play and make great memories ! Stay sweet and kind and never forget the love that surrounds you from everywhere even when you cannot see it!
Love to you both to the moon and back,
May you always be grateful for what is and hold close to your hearts what once was, learn, love and grow- and make the world as bright as you always have!
Forever and for always,
❤️Nana and Poppy❤️🍪