Today is a very special day, it is the day I became a Nana and Poppy became a Poppy!
First Trip to Nana’s
Today marks Guillianna’s 11th birthday, and while we are so happy to know you are now 11, we are so very sad to not be able to speak to you. To hear your laugh, or see that amazing smile we always knew. This is the second birthday to pass since your parents decided to keep the family from seeing you. Luckily she maintains a relationship with Arrianna, and you can at least see her on FaceTime. I know all your Aunts and Uncles miss you as do your great grandparents. The amount of love everyone has for both of you cannot be measured.
Elijah had gotten to receive his birthday gift in 2017, since Aunt Kiki brought it over, but he couldn’t hear from us or get a gift this past birthday in 2019. So he has missed one birthday and what will be two Christmas’ if things do not change. Two children who are loved so very much by so many, yet it is not possible for us to share that love with you, not via cards, or letters, gifts or calls, no possible way to make sure you can remember those who have always loved you all, AND ALWAYS WILL. Time will fade the memories you both have here in the mitten, but the photos, the written pages of your early years, cannot be erased. There are so many family members and friends who will not ever forget the many years spent full of laughter and love. No matter how long or how many ways the truth gets skewed, no matter how many years pass, our hearts will always be with you and your brother. I have always loved your mom, and Poppy and I want her to be happy with daddy, and her family. I am not sure when or if she will ever see feel love, or see the life she truly had.
It is said when something so tragic happens as we grow and develop some aspects of development can be hindered, and can prevent emotional development. Trauma losing the people you love as a small child, can be a difficult task to overcome. Healing from the loss of all the many people you loved and knew, can be helped if you can keep and hold on to good memories, and nurture them. I know our daughters have had so much experience in loss, it is the possible those experiences will be of help to you both when you both grow up. We love you both and hope that today is a day full of joy and happiness. We remember where you were born, and it was a great day. ‘ Guge Beanie’, ‘Bee’, ‘Guge’, ‘Gugu’ so many nick names for all the amazing little moments and laughter we all knew you to have, no matter the nick name you were the epitome of HAPPY, and to all of us for so long you and Eli made the world bright and beautiful. Now you’re a young girl with a heart that is as big as the universe. May you and Elijah celebrate and remember all the great birthdays we shared, and know that where ever you are in life, our hope, our love is with both of you. You are healthy, happy and full of the same magical laughter and joy you always had when in the Mitten.
Life is passing by, and the world is full of all kinds of uncertain things that happen around us; the one thing Poppy and I know for sure is, our love for you both, is undying. It will live on in your hearts, and one day, you will both pass that love on to others. Love is what makes living so special. Sharing the love inside of you, with the people around you, in the future, is a great aspiration. Maybe you will find some people you encounter will recognize it, value it and hold on to it, and maybe some, sadly will not. Yet never give up hope, never stop being amazing people, and always know your love will change the world.
Never forget all the wonderful memories, the fun times, the laughter and the love…..
Today is Sunday September 29, 2019, and yesterday from out of no where Poppy and I were out in the early evening and Poppy’s phone rang. It was a FaceTime call. It came in to his phone as we were with Papa Alan and Great Grandma Sharyn. IT WAS THE TWO FACES WE HAVE MISSED MORE THAN ANY WORDS COULD EVER SAY. We did not see our daughter but she was holding the phone for you to see us. How grateful we are to have finally seen the two of you. Two faces, two little lives that have been absent from all of us in the Mitten for so so so so long.
the pictures above show you’re personalities. The sunshine that radiates from inside you both when ever you are near. I think guillianna took and labeled the selfie above and the photo of Eli shows the super hero he is, at making others smile!
Your Aunts and Uncles and all of your cousins, the ones that you knew before you moved, and the ones you have not yet gotten to know… all truly miss those faces. Great Grandma Sally, teachers and friends you made along the way all miss you so very much. The all are wanting to see and hear about those two amazing faces.
Elijah has grown up and has some grown up teeth to prove it! Guillianna has grown up and is almost tall as her mom she says! Life is so full of unexpected things. Lately there have been many unexpected things for Poppy and Nana, and there have been so many tears of sorrow, but yesterday the happiness felt brought us both tears of joy. A joy that your two sweet faces gave to Poppy and Nana.
To hear your voices, and even if only for a brief moment, listen to you again….. sent our hearts back to the times we spent laughing and playing. To the dream starters, the games we played, the events we went to, the school days and all the stories on the pages of these love letters. Poppy and I simply wanted to want to reach through the phone to hug you both!
I am not sure when the day will come that that will happen, but we will hope it is soon. We will hope that we can see those two amazing faces and that you will be allowed to call us to share your stories. We hope that you will always and forever remember your time with your Nana and Poppy, yet know that when so much time has passed and the little faces turn into grown ups, that memories fade. The hope for all of those you make smile here in the mitten… is that we can all share in the love the two of you have inside.
The challenges and pain of not being able to send birthday gifts, holiday gifts, cards, letters, and seeing you, has been unbearable. The loss has been so deep that our hearts and minds could not ever feel complete, yet for a few moments, they saw two faces that can and will always have the power to change the world. Two people who will grow up and be able to shape this world, and we hope more than any words in any of these love letters, that you know we are with your in your hearts, and we will always hope to see and share in the lives of the two faces we saw yesterday.
We love you both to the moon and back, forever and always,
This is love … no amount of time, no distance no matter how far – will ever change the depth of the love we have for you both. In life people have the ability to try to alter lives of others – They will say what they will, do what they can, and often try to guide others – yet eventually truth and one’s own dreams or memories lead them to find truth and live life on the terms that is theirs and theirs alone. It’s a fact of history – children will be educated and they’ve will grow and become individuals who have the free thinking ability to assimilate and develop their own values, beliefs and principles- their own dreams. When that day arrives it is our hope you will take all of your memories and the truth – that you’ll find in your souls – that there will always be love, happiness and joy! The reality is that lives and cannot ever be contorted or manipulated in anyway … not ever. You have the poster to be mentally strong and prepared. To use all the tools we know you to possess and feel our love. We love you kids, we want your happiness on birthdays and every day …. missing you beyond words you are our sunshine ….
Love you both to the moon and back forever and for always
Our time with you was a gift A very special gift of time with two very loving and special kids who we do good and so happy – you need to know that we love you both and that we feel you to be a gift in our lives. We think of you with love and warmth, happiness and compassion for the dilemma you’ve been channeled into – a situation that was not in your control – that was never intended to be full of sorrow or the dysfunction that has evolved, a purely innocent and loving set of children subjected to an emotional pull no child should ever face . our time with you a gift to us and all the family in the Mitten – to all your Aunts and Uncles to all your cousins, to all of the teachers and friends over 9 and 6 years – and to this day all of us send love and hope for your continued smiles and continued happiness. The gift of family – of connection – the gift of love is and will always be yours to keep regardless of distance, regardless of missed moments in your lives, regardless of lives that are born since you left and lives that may end before your of age or even if when if age you still are forbidden to see or have family in your life…. these gifts of laughter you shared with us, those gifts of smiles and games, singing and playing dancing and snuggles, first steps, birthdays, holidays and flagging … they are treasured gifts and nothing will change our love for the gift of sharing in your lives. People can alter environment they can change location , they can speak i’ll will , or contort truths into lies, they can make a divide and trample upon hopes and dreams or the importance of family …. but in the end the truth is the truth and the facts are the facts. we love you both – our time such a gift – our dreams for you will always be our dreams for you – no one can take 94 change that either. no matter where the journey takes you in this world, you are the Beanie and BoBo , the sunshine of all things good and the strong hero’s who will one day stop the cycle . the two people who will hopefully know how to treat others, and do it with the kind of love that your Poppy and Nana have always seen you to have.
Much of what we write is now private pages- and designed to prevent you both any additional stress in a world that has plenty of it already . There is not a day the passes when we are not struggling with what has happened in all of our lives and to you both in the process . The amount of love you have always had always shown us and all of the Mitten state family was just all encompassing and it was real and genuine. Life with all your friends, cousins, Aunts and Uncles , great grandparents and us was fun and full of laughter and good. we can only hope it has not been tarnished by untruths, or distortion of reality but since all we have been able to see is exactly that we are hoping for a character that has not been shown to us in past actions. Our daughter saw a need to force a bond between the two of you that was missing . Her need to spend the last 7 years before Guillianna turning 18 alienating you both from the lives you’d always known has become more important than anything to her. The affects of this action will be life long for everyone. The heartbreak and loss or void created will likely never be repaired. However as her parents we spend so much time hopeful she will recognize her father her mother and her family here in the Mitten deserved at the very least common decency. It is said when a small child has an emotional fracture – the development beyond that fracture in an area such as attachment is difficult to heal . Historically there is much sorrow and displacement for her and that has translated to repeated loss and heartbreak for you and all who love not only you two but her as well. She has forgotten her Grandma Sharyn who stood by her side and loved her with the purest heart and intent. The teachers and the family the friends the siblings the parents that she could love and value – are by her actions worthless and meaningless. They have been disposable and the inability to attach to feel comfort, to be the aunt the sister the daughter the grandchild she is – have been clouded and removed from her life without remorse, without any evidence of gratitude for a life she has been gifted. There is no doubt that we all earn or pave a way for ourselves in this life but we do not do it alone – we all have others who have helped us – who have taught us, who have shared pieces or chapters of their lives with us to maddie’s is the best possible opportunities. What has been taken from you is a plethora of family and friends. So many people who have loved you, helped your parents in any way they possibly could, and did so with the purest intent- people who cared for you both more than any words i could ever write- that a year and a half after your abrupt removal from your foundation – still are missing and thinking of you ! The love and kindness- the gifts of love that you were both always surrounded in – have been hidden beneath either lies about your Mitten family, or it has been tucked away- and your lives redirected enforcing to you that it is better to cut people out of your lives than to learn to have relationships and have family that is always supporting you. Maybe after a year and a half you have been able to adjust and by yourselves had the necessity to conform to this new life for acceptance. Either way the innocent children pay the price and we will always hope your love for family stays strong. The values upon relationships and people who you’ve always known to be foundational people in your life will hopefully remain intact. In order to live with parents who detach earn the approval all children want from their parents you shave now been forced to detach. Yet no amount of time. nothing in this world will ever change truth – nothing will change the love we have for you both and for our daughter who is lost in a state we cannot heal for her. No matter where your journey leads you , no matter what trials and tribulations you face, despite all success and any potential pit falls – know this you have a huge amount of love, an truly incredible foundation of love, a family who misses you both and who wishes for you both happiness always-
You must always have integrity in this world – know that how you treat people is the most important gift in life. A gift you can give and in turn receive. The gift of a safe home, the gift of parents who love and provide for you, the opportunity to learn and grow to live life and pursue dreams…. and how you treat those people your life path crosses …. how you feel when you give the respect that is due to all human beings…. that is the best gift of all. Your Poppy and I want love and happiness for you both and to have your family unit experience joy and happiness beyond measure. The fractures you’ve been subjected to are unthinkable and hold the potential for emotions that can be helped by truly knowing, truly believing in the integrity the love the true sense of how everyone only ever loved you and helped your parents – something the pages of this site, the proof within these letters and photos over the past decade, and all the private letters preserved for you two will one day provide.
Nana
