Lifting up the heart when it needs it …
Nana
Dear Guillianna and Elijah –
Today would have been Aunt Alyx’s 31rst birthday … and it is exceptionally hard to be uplifting in writing about such sadness, especially when Nana and Poppy can’t see Aunt Alyx- and equally sad when people we love who are living yet choose not to see us. The words I write in my letters are to keep looking for what is good and what I am grateful for. To remind myself and you both to keep the chin up, look at the positive and the good that all of us have in our lives and while we can be sad for the choices others make we can hold on to the good memories.
It’s true Alyx had many emotional issues. The doctors tried to help her but she often didn’t listen. After being left in an orphanage she felt abandoned by her Romanian family. She then came to the United States of America and began a new life. The emotional scars of young children can carry so much unforgiving weight and some of our children have had real difficulty handling the adult reactive challenges they faced when grown. The fears, the parts of their development that allows them to trust, and see people for who they are and not what they assume. These love letters are so important to us. Even if they prove to be worthless to anyone or everyone else, they are feeling from our heart and our sincere concern for your healthy and conscious knowledge of our love and dedication to your happiness, safety, growth/development during your time in the Mitten and to this day, and for ever and always… The knowledge of this fact, the truth felt in your hearts can only help you when grown. No abandonment, no resentment, no need for you to ask why didn’t we care for you, whey didn’t we send you cards, birthday gifts and love letters – for we did. We did all that was humanly possible to please your parents and care for you both. That knowledge can be key to a security that has eluded some of our children. We have never been able to get some to see what was right there before them, blind to the love, having parents and a home, redial to allow any feeling of love, comfort of allowing themselves to attach , no appreciation for the pleasures, the fun, opportunities. The fear, the emotional trauma of the past was carried and fed. The result devastating for us – but we when we see all of the good memories, when we see the many many things we can be grateful for we are uplifted. You two are here in this world and born to two people who love you because Poppy and Nana loved, all the grandchildren, all of the laughter and good memories cannot be erased or “cut out of life” … and if these memories are only fed, or given, negativity- the long term result saddens both Poppy and I. The childhood memories that could have been tainted, become a little more clear when you see the smiles and the joy in your childhood photos on this site, in your memories in your head and as you make more. Here are some memories of Aunt Alyx!
We know you can’t remember her well, since in the past stay of three years in the Mitten, you only ever saw her twice once when we had the family photo taken with mom and dad returned from Korea, and the night before st a family dinner. When you were small she was there every day – and she struggled every day
We hope you will always know and remember this simple truth- we love you both to the moon and back,
forever and for always
XOXOXOXOXOXO
❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?
Sure do miss baking with you two – haven’t baked much since you left and didn’t bake this cake either …. just added some caramel and “honey chocolate” to it …. which is what you always called chocolate covered caramel ! Move you both so very much , to the moon and back –