Wishing you a VERY HAPPY and very special birthday !

HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY GUILLIANNA

MAY IT BE FULL OF LOVE, GOOD HEALTH AND HAPPINESS FOR YOU!

It is so hard for everyone in the Mitten State to believe it’s your 12th birthday !

12 YEARS OLD     I AM SO EXCITED !
I find myself wishing and hoping every day to see you both again …. and we want you to know our hearts are so full of love for you.

We have missed you both so very much these past months have surely been so hard on you both.     I can’t even imagine – you’ve had so many changes and you’re both so strong .    I understand you lost your Mimi- I am so very sorry.    They posted on her Facebook page the memorial and it was very sad to see your dad so sad and to see both you and Eli at a funeral – but it did allow us to see you both and oh my gosh –  you’re so big !   You’ve grown up so much and we want you to know how much we love you .   We  want you to be healthy happy and feel fully loved on your birthday and always.   The depth of our love for the two of you, cannot ever be fully expressed in the pages of your website, but we hope one day you will both see in these images and someplace in your memories the truth of our love for you both.    To know that your Nana and Poppy will always wish you good things and that the love of your grandparents is forever, is important.    It’s foundational.     Maybe you’ll never need to know how this all has unfolded – and if your well adjusted and happy that is all that matters.    But if ever you wonder what happened or how much you’re missed or loved you will see if here.     Sending you wishes for love for happiness- complete  joy – fun- and family memories that will make your hearts full.   You two have hopefully endured the changes of your newest relocation /move , and are finding the old home state a wonderful place.   I know the pandemic has been an additional set of changes  – and it  seems that (in what will be three years this month), life has brought to you both  many challenges as well as some new and exciting beginnings.    There have been so many changes in all of our lives.   Your Mitten State family still thinks of you both every single day.     Aunts and Uncles, all of your cousins and Grandparents all wishing for you to be healthy and happy.    We know you do get to see Aunt Arri and that is good – your Aunt KiKi and Aunt Allyssa – Aunt Liz, Uncle Dwan, Uncle  Ricky and Uncle Nick will always have so much love and warm memories of you both.    Your cousins who were old enough,  still remember you and the ones who were too little will always have this blog and photos as well as the grown ups to teach them about the both of you until we can share in each others lives some day.

I will always hope that day comes soon and that your lives will be able to share in the lives of so many others here in the Mitten who miss you and who are always your forever family .

It is true that life is constant change – and yet some things will not ever change.  Our love for you two will not ever change.   That is for certain.    Love is unconditional, and we have that love for our children and our grandchildren.   It is beyond sad that we have not been successful as parents, and that our failure to prove our love to our own children has affected so many – and in these recent years for you both.     Now you have lost your Mimi, and essentially you’ve had us removed from your lives.  Grandparents however never stop loving you.   No matter where they are, the love they have is forever.   These photos may be all that carry on for you and your brother one day, but they are the most true representation of your lives for nine and six years.   They show your actual, factual and unbiased memories.  They show your joy in a way that time and the perception of any other individuals  may ever try to alter, or try to erase.   When in the Mitten, you were bright, happy, creative, and loving.   Intelligent, social, well rounded and integrated with your friends and family.  The reality of our love was and is true, it is authentic,  completely genuine, it is sincere and it is forever.  As is the love you have from your mom and dad.   Parents love their children in a way that you may both one day see.  It is something so pure, all encompassing and yet so delicate and complicated.    It is complicated by change, by the world influences, by illness, or hardship, it is complicated by relationships, and in some cases, by the emotional trauma of others.    In this case,  its likely tremendous past attachment issues, past fears, and past abandonment that have absolutely impacted us all.   In my opinion – When a person focuses or has personal issues over being ‘a favorite’, or ‘favoritism’ through out their entire life- it is an emotional scar they have, something so traumatic to them, that they carry that load those feelings into adulthood and transfer it in places and upon others where it never existed.   You will learn that people all people have the capacity to love so many people, in so many different ways.   That love is not measured by favorites, and partiality,  that it is not about favorite Aunts, or favorite people in your life, it is about the roles an individual has in a persons life.  Each is unique, each is irreplaceable, and each is special.   No two people are the same, and no two relationships are ever the same.   We all need love of family, of friends, of siblings, of cousins and grandparents.   Rest assured you have all of love of your parents as well as that of your extended family.

From the moment you were born 12 years ago today –  we became Grandparents.     We were on a plane immediately, and on our way to meet you –  you were but hours old and we were there- with you –  holding your little hand and grateful for the chance to meet our first grandchild.      Such a special gift and honor to have been given and it will always be.   December 4 is the day our daughter,  gave birth to her daughter,  her first of two amazing kids-  and how lucky we were to share in your life so closely for so long.  Who knows, it is our hope to share in many years of your lives, and while the time that has been denied us over these past months caused tremendous loss and sorrow, we will always hope you will hold on to the memories you have of your Nana and Poppy.  Your life for nine years was amazing, fun, and happy, and it is our hope you are not forced into conflict between your known reality and your need to please and conform to feel loved .

No child should ever have to choose between the love you had always felt and known to be genuine – and the love  and acceptance you needed.  To confirm- to be either trained to resent us or hide how you felt ?  I simply can not fathom how you were able to cope but you’re strong and you did it.    You had so much attachment and you were broken away from all you knew and loved.    To imagine how you felt when you have had no control and your entire world was changing- I know and empathize with how hard it must have even.   The day you left the Mitten was traumatic for you both , and I am hopeful that the photos here will ignite the desire inside to live happy, to feel amazing about the early years of your life.   Spark the flame inside that is you –  so creative, and full of love, the you who will grow into the very best and happiest version of yourself possible.    Your mom, loves you dearly, always has and always will.    Her past surely has a hold on her, maybe even keeping her  from growing and allowing herself to feel the love of her own mom and dad.  The past its story and what actually happened as opposed to any other possible self serving justification, loomed and was daunting when your mom saw how integrated you were in the Mitten and how detached her family was from each other.    She made decisions to alienate and isolate you both from everyone!   Only a select few have had any contact.   Her anguish and her emotions led her down a very hard road for you both and for us – as well as so many left behind in the Mitten.    Her interpretation and traumatized emotional past has allowed her to disown her parents.  The  rejection and altering of facts the inability to love her grandparents and all those who ever were there fro her for so many years – have created fallacy to caller her to believe or make it seem justified or  as though it was ok – and maybe for her it was what she had to do.   Maybe it’s how she would take control of her life and her children.  It was her ultimate hope  to make her home life happy and to be build a relationship between you kids and your father.   For her to bury the past, any mistakes or any of her role in what led her to be so traumatized and simultaneously force the bond that was so important to her is what it seems she felt necessary and it is what she did .   The blame is always upon what was not done fir her, what she never had and how her childhood was flawed – , or more accurate it is an interpretation of things that were done, events, and the underlying self invoked and self prophetic “favoritism” she has so struggled with.     For 8 years she was one of 12 children and being in the middle she always felt left out, and the stories we learned through the years, in speaking with relatives –  she always had issues with not feeling special, not feeling loved, and not being the favorite and being left or abandoned.  All exacerbated when her biological mother became ill and then died.     All of these emotions which were  magnified while growing up one of 12 in a less than loving or warm home , and eventually, the trauma was sealed for she had lost everything she known for nine years – the day she came to America she was broken and the truth is – she was never to trust again.   While there could be similarities, there are also many differences that will allow you to push forward through all the changes you endured.    You have her in your life, and your mom is your greatest cheerleader.   She wants you to learn, to grow, and know she loves you.   You also have these memories, these images of what life was for the first nine years of your life and you know you were loved.    You have a great education, and foundation that will always help you in your journey through life.   You have advancements available to you in this decade that were not available when your mom was small.    She had no way to talk with ir see anyone – and she has had not desire she felt they abandoned her when they should have kept her –   She was told they would come back and they didn’t – that trauma – at such a young age has instilled upon her that she cannot trust –  in this current time there are so many ways to feel connected to see love to share your feeling or a minute or two with your grandparents or cousins here – yet it was denied you – as it was when you went to visit them as a small girl .   So many times they felt cold turkey was best –    Just leave behind your bonds and connections    And their right I suppose to teach you or raise you to not trust or to not attach –    It’s a philosophy that your parents and grandparents will not ever agree upon .    We see value in family and we believe in having gratitude in our lives for our parents our grandparents for all they did through their lives to help us .     We tried – to be best pretend we could be as are your mom and dad –   We have some different view points from our parents – yet at the end of the day – we know our parents loved us and always did the best they could  for their kids – one day I hope your mom sees that and we can share in the lives of you both . 

You have a promise from Poppy and I that we love and think of you every single day, and with all our heart and soul !   At this point in this journey we are here, to call, to talk to, to one day see when your grown, and to continue to have a very special bond with should you choose to do so.    And if it is less painful, less stressful, to simply abandon your past, then you will have that power as well.    The helpless and powerless feeling your mom endured when her world was rocked is similar to the way you felt the day the car drove away from the home you’d known and the people who had raised you, but the differences are hopefully enough for your to mature beyond the trauma this has caused.   You are not going to let the stress of losing the people who spent 9 full years of your life raising you, win.  Do not let it alter your ability to trust.   To know love.    Love is what we did everything for.   Love of our daughter, and wanting to help her achieve her goals- we had you make videos for your parents and emulate the service they were sharing with the world.   You are so very smart you will not let the trauma of our absence, the manipulations of the truth, and the real love you have always known become anything that holds you back from loving your family, growing and making the world a bit nicer every single day.

I know that you will soar into your teen  years, then the late teen years, and young adult years, where Grandparents are not who you choose to spend your time with.   Those years will have been taken from you, but know this, we are always so proud of you and your brother, and we may not have been there physically, but we are always with you.

The photos on this post and all through out this site  will surely reflect to you many wonderful happy memories.    Your foundation was pure and all based in absolute true love.     Nothing will ever change that.   No distance. No amount of time – nothing can ever change the truth.    The truth is we love you and Eli so much —more than my words  can ever say.   But we will always try to make certain you know about the fun, the laughter, the pure love that existed all 9 years we spent with you and all the beginning 6 of Elijah’s life.    He will not likely remember very much – he was very young when he left the Mitten.     He was about the same age as Aunt Allyssa when she left Romania.    That means there is a good chance much of his memories of living in the Mitten  will be very vague.  Unless they are altered and brought to light with negativity in order to justify why he can’t see his Poppy and Nana.     You on the other hand will remember much more.    You were about the same age as your mom was when her life changed drastically.     She has carried with her many memories based upon how she perceived or believed  the events to be at that time in her life.     I hope your perception is never altered and your mind is able to stay clear and free to love and feel the love you knew in the Mitten.

If ever you find yourself trying to piece it all together please just loose yourselves in the photos and stories on this site and remember all the laughs the memories of Elfie and Snowflake.   Remember all the birthdays in the past and know that for every single birthday in the future we are loving you-  hugging you and dreaming with you if bright tomorrow’s.

We are hopeful you will know happiness and success beyond measure.     We have nothing left to offer you other than the past – the foundation we laid and the hopes and dreams we have for you.    While you were  here the teachers and administrators coaches all were so proud of your skills and limitless ability within.  Everyone touched by the love you have always had in your hearts.    Think of all the lunch love that you were sent each day and know that while you’re older and can no longer call and talk with us –   We are there.     We are forever sad about things that we were unable to achieve in our lives – we are not perfect.   No human is.   Our hopes and dreams carry on in you and all the others of this family.   The hope that you will one day carry on with your own dreams and see them all realized.   That is the most important of all.    That you and all of your cousins have a chance to treat others in this world with respect and love.   To make this world better than it’s ever been.     It’s not a hard job since you’ve already done that –    You are already there – just keep working on continuing the same qualities you’ve always had.   You and Elijah brighten this world and the depth of love you had for us both and your Mitten family is what gets us through.      So as I said no matter how far your journey takes you –   No matter how many months or years pass.       You’ll always carry with you – our love.

The smiles, the love, all documented, for you to remember, and to hold near and dear for your entire life.   You are twelve today, and I am hugging you, the days where you could not bear to be far from “my nana” are gone, but the love inside is forever, where ever you go what ever you do, we are wishing and hoping for you and your brother all good things.    You two are the sunshine, and we love you from here to the moon and back….

This is the day you met your brother…… poppy and I brought you to Mom, and you became a big sister.

There are thousands of photographs taken through the years, trying to ensure your mom never missed a moment of your growing up, and so many videos made wishing them happy birthday or simple making sure they knew how loved they were and how often they were thought of.   So much energy to ensure they could see you and feel the love inside of you both.

There is a laugh and a smile that is so real, so genuine…. so happy.

I am forever grateful for the time we spent, for all the joy and happiness I had being your moms mother, and a parent to all my kids.   I will always be grateful that on this day 12 years ago I became a grandparent to a sweet girl who loved her Nana to the moon and back….

Who had love in her heart for her Poppy that could never be false, and that made him so happy.   He still has the notes you wrote to him and save your text messages.  He still thinks of you packing cookies and lunch love in his briefcase.  I still hang upon the tree your ornaments you made.

The authentic feeling you have in your soul when you are reminded of dancing to Extravaganzaglorius or Moana with your Poppy… those are the feelings you can treasure.  Those are the memories that will always warm his soul.  So I can only imagine you too feel love when you think of all the good – only it is likely hard to and not miss those things, the people, the friends, the life you once knew- and emotionally it is far easier to close your mind or not allow yourself to revisit them.   Not now – but maybe when you’re older this will help you know something that was missing from the lives of my kids-    They did not know how loved they were     They truly felt betrayed and hurt.  There was not love letters   No memories of good events    You will one day be able to see your entire life Abe know it was amazing !

No matter what, no matter how far away we are, the love is inside of you and you can feel it when you look at these photos.   The happiness that lived in the home when you were in the Mitten was not anything to quell to hide or feel bad for.   You were so very happy and it was what you parents wanted for you.   To be safe, to be healthy, to be happy and to be brave.  You both excelled at all of the things any of us wanted for you.   You can be so proud of those years and you can keep those memories in your heart forever and for always.

With a pandemic you have both likely seen so  many changes.   the whole world is missing family and the normal they once knew.   So now that many are feeling the changes of a pandemic – you are not as alone.

Your birthday celebrations were likely different but not the reason for the celebration.  The reason is the birthday and all birthdays are special    – the day your mom was born she changed this world and serves her country    – she brought you to this earth and parents are important people to admire for all they do to make a child happy and healthy    – Eli’s birthday, your birthday – all birthdays celebrate the day a person made the world better !

Be it today, on your birthday or on Elijah’s last September, the reason for the celebration is huge and festive.  It is the day you came to this world and made it so much nicer.  That is the simple truth !

I know you cannot fully understand how you have done  that just yet, but you have, and it is a gift to all of us.

Never forget to be sweet and kind…. to always use the love inside of your heart to heal your worry or fears.   You are not ever alone…. you have so many family members who are holding your memory in their hearts and sending you love.

The return of Elfie and Snowflake for your birthday was always something special and you would smile from ear to ear.     The traditions of the past may be in the past but the memories are yours to keep.

I wish we could sing you happy birthday, and bake together a cake that you love.   Instead I hope you will remember the birthdays of your past and smile.   Knowing that happiness was all we have ever wished for you, your brother and your mom.

There are times where you may dream of us, and we want you to know we are dreaming of the two of you as well.

From first birthdays…..

and all the birthdays between, and even a cake was from your baptism and the day your mom and dad went to the land of sand for the second time.

So many memories so many good things to think about, so much love all around you from so many people.   You and your brother are on the most exciting adventure.   The traveling from place to place can seem difficult but is also so much fun.  When you grow bigger you will have a perspective about where you want to live and what you want to do with your own lives.   These adventures will help shape your dreams.

So many memories and fun times….

EXTRAVAGANZA GLORIOUS MEMORIES….

The fact is, your history in the Mitten was glorious.   Truly so many fun times, and loved ones are here and all are wishing you the happiest of birthday’s.

The holiday season is likely in full swing now that your twelve and I hope that it is full of all the magic Christmas brings.

Until we see you again, we will hang the ornaments you made, and treasure the letters you left for us.   We will hang them on our tree and we will think of you as the lights of the tree twinkle.

We hope you have a wonderful birthday celebration with Mom, Dad and Eli.   That you have a wonderful cake, and a birthday you will remember.   We hope that some how, some way you can feel our love and know that we are sending you birthday wishes and think about you every single day.

We love you and your brother, to the moon and back, forever and for always,

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy?❤️