New Years Eve !

Nana December 31, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah –

2019 is about to begin and it will be so odd to not physically see you as the New Year begins !   We hope you have so much fun ! Believe me when I say that we will be thinking of you and will be with you in your hearts.      Life has had so many big changes this past year and as it always has through out time,  life always evolves and brings surprises,  challenges,   happiness, tears  and then great adventure.   You’re both growing and learning so many things but will hopefully always keep the memories of your yesterday’s close to your heart and use them when you need a smile or a little courage.     Remember who we really are and  how we have always cheered you both on and helped you always –  along the way,  when ever you needed a Nana and Poppy you knew we are there and when you need us now we still are just not in the same house and not able to physically see, hear or touch – but still have our arms wide open and full of love for two very special little ones.

The greatest thing about knowing you’re loved is that you can listen to your heart and if quiet enough you’ll hear the laughter, feel the dancing, remember  the safari cafe, the photo booth, the merry go round and a million other fun things that were your lives.

We have yet to getany  photos of you.   Or hear from you but know this — nothing can dim the bright light of your smiles and the memories in our hearts !

Tonight we will take your  great  Grandma Sally to dinner and the night stop to see Uncle David in the hospital as he had more surgery today.     He is so brave and has kept working every day on keeping focused on good despite having had such a hard medical journey.     He surely has had things happen that make it hard for him to smile or could make him scared, but he won’t stop believing in being a kind, good and  optimistic man.      Your Mitten family has always had so much to offer the two of you in kindness and love.   We hope you will always remember that about the Mitten, remember about what  family means and the fun you had here and to be strong and brave!

We hope for you two and the entire family a happy healthy new year and that you’re 2019 is full of all kinds of wonderful new things.   We wish for you to simply know IT is our wish for your year, your every day to be FULL OF LOVE FROM HERE TO THE MOON AND BACK FROM BOTH POPPY AND NANA, and all the many many people you have shared your lives with !    You two are also brave hero’s to us, sweet and wonderful grandchildren who will always be loved.

Know that – We hope to see you soon, to visit or have you visit the Mitten again .   To FaceTime or simply talk to you.  To catch up on all you have done in these past months.  No matter what happens – no matter what changes in your lives , you’re in our thoughts and our wish for mom to truly see ‘us’  for who we are as see the truly good and respectable relationship you have had with us as something special.  What ever has happened what ever has been said to cause such an unbelievable turn …may it be resolved!     We will always have hope….  for her to realize what her mom and dad have been in her life and hope that she will remember the support and love she was given by her grandparents. All who loved her – all who have been in her life for her.     If that moment doesn’t come today, or tomorrow or  even ever, it will not change our love and our dedication to our family.     This family misses you both and will have the warmest of  celebrations when we can see you again.  Dream of a return on field day maybe to see old friends or in summer when your out on break.  For tonight may you have dream starters that allow you to dream  of a visit by us to see your activities or a visit  to a hotel for swimming!  Maybe at a school graduation or if it’s when your older while you’re at college.    There are so many potential options that could lay ahead and we will hope that something changes  sooner than later   For now – a simple hope for hugs and laughter and peace in your hearts.

Love you to the moon and back –  forever and for always –

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

New movie coming this summer, and I couldn’t help but wonder “What if ?”!

Nana December 30, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah

Today I learned of a new movie coming out this summer 2019… a Disney movie, a remake of the Lion King and I could not help but remember Ms Gifford’s play and the fun that was had!    I hope ( more than you know ) we can visit you two or that you can visit us when the movie is out so we could take you.   The thing is – that would take a special sort of gift ….

The hope for a future that is full of love happiness continuity and us seeing you is in the hands of those who can only make it possible with seeing truth – by putting aside the falseness or a seeming hate  or poison that has suddenly spread to levels that are hurting so many relationships – while these feelings of “toxicity” are a  is very personal choice ,  it seems to have been transferred onto innocence.  At least that is what we have been told .    That two little ones do not ever want to see of hear from us ?      The hope that someday,  some way, my daughter will see the real or honest love that exists is essential to any hope for immediate resolve.     The only thing we knew is that you kids loved deeply   Months later we hear things that paint an image that says you “never want to see us or speak to us again” yet just a few months ago could not wait to share with us talk to us – FaceTime in May ?   Asking if you could call Poppy when I said he was at work.   it just makes no sense at all!  All we have are the constant questions and what if’s-

WHAT IF –  what if – what happened ?  We cannot answer, and can only pick up pieces and there have been so many ” what if” questions .  This is just a few samples of what we wonder ?

What if, there is a dislike  that grown ups have for others that has been forcibly put on the shoulders of innocent children who only ever loved and enjoyed ?   WHAT IF something has been created or engineered by design to banish people who are loved from small children and then reinforced by attempting to say “oh they didn’t send  Valentines day gifts”, or “they do not care”?   What if?  What if the intended result of actions was create an inference,  the notion  that family – cousins, aunts , uncles , great grandparents, everyone ever loved – that all of these familial elements were somehow disposable , replaceable ? That they simply disappear and human life – human relationships – should be disregarded, tossed aside and are of such little value that when removed – when dropped out of lives – it would not matter?    Could a scenario like this ever happen?

As people – living in a free world –  it would be a personal choice to live the life chosen and to choose a life for children-  there is no doubt .   It is so so important that it is clear that  NEVER  would  OR do my love letters convey in any way that any person in your family  does  not love you both –  for I know with all my heart my daughter loves her children  and for nine years she did everything in her power to ensure you were with her own mom and dad in her absence.    I know she wanted the very best for her children and I do believe somewhere inside her soul she knows that the two of you have had the very best we all  parents grandparents and all the supporting family could provide .

When Guillianna had her surgery in 2017 a major change occurred and was also surely impacted by the return  from Korea  – the love and attachment seen –  that had been happening over nine years time-   or maybe additional impact when dad was not able to be in The Mitten – but suddenly things changed     Quickly and abruptly – The exact details of all that is something we may not ever really know – and honestly any explanation could not ever be  trusted  based upon this past years events.

It seems as though to make certain that the only things left in your lives would be new things and therefore the innocent in all of this would both attach easier.

Nana and Poppy , in our lives, learned a lot about something called adult RAD and one day may or may not prove to be where some answers to questions may be found.     What is sad – is that despite so much pure love for children , there will be a wound so deep that now that effects of the heartfelt loss – encompasses two more innocent lives – which may not be realized until so much later.  These love letters are by design a hope to prevent loss of trust, feelings of abandonment and maybe just maybe,  fill in gaps that could be helpful tools later in life.  What may seem useless to some-  may be helpful to another- but the risk of not sharing is so great and the heartbreak that lives when questions are unanswered is more than sad… it can be life altering.  So I will opt for hope, believe in love, and always  hold on to truth of what love exists in our hearts.    Fact of what was for all these years and hope for what tomorrow may bring.

I hope for an awakening  that our daughter will find out sooner than later the importance of grandparents and extended family in life.  The importance of the very people her children have loved deeply.      The army has a special knack for keeping its soldiers moving and not allowing much opportunity for attachment.   Maybe something miraculous will happen, maybe ?       But one day – somewhere some how we will hope she remembers all that was done day in and day out – that she will see that even things she believed she did independently – like taking classes while in the army to earn a BS degree – learning to drive, learning about everything in her life , were opportunity’s afforded to her with help of so many others.  People who helped her all of her Army career from private onwards to E7 – be it  in small ways maybe , but all unnoticed.    Ever person she has ever known be it here in the USA or elsewhere has contributed to her life as is true of us all     We are shaped by good and bad bit to ignore the good and to ignore the love and claim that all you are is independent of any love or family ?   Simply not true.

What if?

After all we clearly know she earned her own way, but never in life are we Independent – soldier or not , army of one ?    That slogan may have been a motto but- team and never leaving your battle, working cohesively- but it is never one – it is always with the help of others – a team.

What if…   The idea that so many have shared in her life contributed to her journey and even though our love seems completely lost on her – what if , we are parents – who love and tried so to prove to her that when she asked, when she needed – we were there.    Subtle ways direct ways but every single time, tried to helped her.

What if – She truly needs to exist believing she is alone and no one ever helped her do anything  for if she can believe that she can not care have to  about or for anyone.  What if ….   She will protect herself by not caring – and not letting herself feel the love .

What if – Admitting that she has had any help at all is something she has not ever been able to do.    She feels she survived life entirely on her own.   That she never had any family that she is and has always been hurt or let down by family .   That she never had any help.   That the world was cruel and no one ever loved her ?  What if ?

But what if-  that was how she felt? And now has let her feelings become those of her children?  Oh my goodness what if?

What if ? In doing this, will she will have created new trust issues for her own children now?

What if all of this is so mich more than just unfair to two kids who simply loved the Nana and Poppy they always have known ?

WHAT IF the only gift we have to offer you both is truth, love, and historical input for your future , what if you spend the rest of your lives feeling unhappiness that was contrived or misleading ,,, the only thing we have left to give is the simple fact that you are both loved  – for ever and for always – from here to the moon and back –

The website of love letters is written to make sure we don’t lose sight of truth , and What is real.    We love our children.   We love our grandchildren.   We respect that we are perfectly imperfect people who have always loved and will love always.    We will hope that the “what if ?”, Can be dispelled into realization that we need to live in kindness, in integrity and in gratitude for what we have, who has been part of our journey and choose to live in love ?.  What if we can dream about one day soon seeing your smiling faces, going to a new movie, watching your journey as grandparents do, summer visits or school breaks?   What if we hope…  that is what we will do and in that hope is hope for you to be happy to feel loved and to know we hold your biggest dreams and all the joy in the world close not matter the distance no matter the circumstance we are wishing you love always !

what if you could always feel and know in your hearts –

We love you  to the moon and back,

forever and for always –

❤️Nana and Poppy ❤️?

Sebastian’s party and visits to the Mitten !

Nana December 29, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah

We  missed you both so much at Sebastian’s 2nd birthday.    Carlos 1 and Ms. Nancy  bought a new home and they had everyone over for his birthday.  Aunt Kiki Uncle Ricky and the kids as well as Aunt Allyssa Uncle Dwan and their kids came too.   The great grandparents were also there Papa Grandma Sharyn and grandma Sally,  they enjoyed themselves as well.     It was a Mickey Mouse theme and it was very nice it was missing some family for sure and we can hope one day things will be different.     Wishing you could have come !   Gray got the piñata to come down this year.   I am certain you remember the piñatas from prior years !  So much laughter for the little ones and many little candies too !  The whole family was always there to support you two for your birthdays… and now that there are decisions made that won’t allow you to have this extended family in your lives we hope you will always know we are with you always even when it seems we are far.

I hope you have had a lot of fun with family all through out the holiday season.    I wait for the day you will be able to tell us all about it and the things that make you smile and laugh .

Makes us think of  so many fun times where you and your cousins would get together and we hope you love new visits with family  and create fun times, like you once had with Nana and Poppy.

In a few days we will bring 2019 in and it will be a new hope for lots of dreams and exciting new memories .    Hopeful that you’re enjoying your break from school and some family time !   Please know you’re loved, missed and the only gift  of love we have is our promise of love and these written letters of love are being sent- may you have peace in your hearts and know without question you’re loved to the moon and back ,

forever and for always ,

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

A visit….

Nana December 28, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah,

Well we are almost at the end of another week and today is the anniversary of your leaving the Mitten ? a whole year ago .  While the circumstances of these last few months have left us heart broken and more than worried, we are hopeful that you will both be okay.   That history of our own children’s trauma of being displaced and the lack of control over their lives,  is not repeated and that you both will rise and soar above this painful time and loss and live fully in the love of your mom and dad who also will always love you and who  also want a life for you that is full of great things and above all happiness!    They simply have a different view point or value on family than what you’ve been accoustomed to in the past nine years.

It is a great new adventure for you both and a new chapter in your lives.    I wish it was completed with the family and friends of the past nine years!  That would have made for perfection in your lives.   The love and support of so many who have loved and supported you both always – is surely missed by you as children , in your immediate futures but one day these letters will hopefully fill a little the missing pieces of your hearts of beautifully intelligent young adults who will remember the truth and the real life you shared in the Mitten .

Until that day arrives we hope you will play games, do all the fun things you used to do with us and so much more.   From activities at school like trunk or treat, play dates with friends, Christmas traditions, cheer, dance, karate, baseball, soccer, and new things like Elijah running with daddy since he loved running , or other school sports and clubs like drama and theatre.    I know you will hopefully  get to know more about  family on daddy’s side !   Your other grandparents and cousins – and hopefully love every second of visits and fun with them all .    You’re both so fond of babies and little ones , and have always loved spending time with them , so it’s our hope that you’ll get some time to share with others to help  so that you miss us and your lives in the Mitten just a bit less !   

Today we will be visited by Aunt Kiki , Uncle Ricky with Janai and Anthony who will be in town for cousin Bash’s birthday party.  It is nice that they have been to town so many times in the past year and travel the distance to let us see them and I know for certain they would  have been and would be happy to bring you both to visit any time.

Once around  the time Coles birthday they came to town and would have gladly wanted to bring you for a visit .  They know your love for the Mitten and everyone here!  They too, cannot ever stay too long because of school and Army/work commitments too –  but they make huge efforts to do so anyway !   And I know how much they wish they could bring you along to see you smile too!   That way no one would be sad and everyone could get some Nana Poppy time and live happily in their new life!  One day maybe this will be possible or mom’s schedule will allow for her to bring you here and let you see all your friends and family !

We too would travel to you,  as we always did – and we have told your mom and dad – any time.    We await them to tell us when you’re schedule will allow for it, which is what they had said at one point.   Now it seems that they say it is you don’t want to see or speak us , and maybe that is because if you show love,  or miss us you’ll risk feeling you are disappointing  them or somehow worrying that it would upset them … therefore,  we write.   Not wanting you ever to worry or fear disappointing us and letting you know that we hold on to the many gifts you left behind, the notes, the brief case love letters and the memories.

Yes – we will wait until your family is ready for visits, or until you’re old enough to make the trip for a visit as an adult.    Regardless of how long it takes – we will continue to love you and wish you so much happiness… no matter the distance, no matter how long it takes to find our letters of love, we wish you infinite possibilities and dreams that one day become realities !        It is likely that the Army could move your mom so may different places through out the world, simply know our love will follow  you – because just like us “living in your hearts” , our hearts will always hold your love  inside of ours too!

We have more pics of years gone by for you to see and we hope you will always notice the smiles and sincere happiness in these photos .     We love you both , as regardless of anything you ever grow to think or do, regardless of anything that ever happened that pure kind of love we shared stays.   It doesn’t ever leave not even when we are old , if we traveled, if we grow so old our minds are not the same , if we were ever to grow sick , and if we were ever  to pass away,  we will ALWAYS love you and wish you freedom, love, education, good health and kindness –  to the moon and back- forever and for always – WE LOVE YOU!

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?