A visit….

Nana December 28, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah,

Well we are almost at the end of another week and today is the anniversary of your leaving the Mitten ? a whole year ago .  While the circumstances of these last few months have left us heart broken and more than worried, we are hopeful that you will both be okay.   That history of our own children’s trauma of being displaced and the lack of control over their lives,  is not repeated and that you both will rise and soar above this painful time and loss and live fully in the love of your mom and dad who also will always love you and who  also want a life for you that is full of great things and above all happiness!    They simply have a different view point or value on family than what you’ve been accoustomed to in the past nine years.

It is a great new adventure for you both and a new chapter in your lives.    I wish it was completed with the family and friends of the past nine years!  That would have made for perfection in your lives.   The love and support of so many who have loved and supported you both always – is surely missed by you as children , in your immediate futures but one day these letters will hopefully fill a little the missing pieces of your hearts of beautifully intelligent young adults who will remember the truth and the real life you shared in the Mitten .

Until that day arrives we hope you will play games, do all the fun things you used to do with us and so much more.   From activities at school like trunk or treat, play dates with friends, Christmas traditions, cheer, dance, karate, baseball, soccer, and new things like Elijah running with daddy since he loved running , or other school sports and clubs like drama and theatre.    I know you will hopefully  get to know more about  family on daddy’s side !   Your other grandparents and cousins – and hopefully love every second of visits and fun with them all .    You’re both so fond of babies and little ones , and have always loved spending time with them , so it’s our hope that you’ll get some time to share with others to help  so that you miss us and your lives in the Mitten just a bit less !   

Today we will be visited by Aunt Kiki , Uncle Ricky with Janai and Anthony who will be in town for cousin Bash’s birthday party.  It is nice that they have been to town so many times in the past year and travel the distance to let us see them and I know for certain they would  have been and would be happy to bring you both to visit any time.

Once around  the time Coles birthday they came to town and would have gladly wanted to bring you for a visit .  They know your love for the Mitten and everyone here!  They too, cannot ever stay too long because of school and Army/work commitments too –  but they make huge efforts to do so anyway !   And I know how much they wish they could bring you along to see you smile too!   That way no one would be sad and everyone could get some Nana Poppy time and live happily in their new life!  One day maybe this will be possible or mom’s schedule will allow for her to bring you here and let you see all your friends and family !

We too would travel to you,  as we always did – and we have told your mom and dad – any time.    We await them to tell us when you’re schedule will allow for it, which is what they had said at one point.   Now it seems that they say it is you don’t want to see or speak us , and maybe that is because if you show love,  or miss us you’ll risk feeling you are disappointing  them or somehow worrying that it would upset them … therefore,  we write.   Not wanting you ever to worry or fear disappointing us and letting you know that we hold on to the many gifts you left behind, the notes, the brief case love letters and the memories.

Yes – we will wait until your family is ready for visits, or until you’re old enough to make the trip for a visit as an adult.    Regardless of how long it takes – we will continue to love you and wish you so much happiness… no matter the distance, no matter how long it takes to find our letters of love, we wish you infinite possibilities and dreams that one day become realities !        It is likely that the Army could move your mom so may different places through out the world, simply know our love will follow  you – because just like us “living in your hearts” , our hearts will always hold your love  inside of ours too!

We have more pics of years gone by for you to see and we hope you will always notice the smiles and sincere happiness in these photos .     We love you both , as regardless of anything you ever grow to think or do, regardless of anything that ever happened that pure kind of love we shared stays.   It doesn’t ever leave not even when we are old , if we traveled, if we grow so old our minds are not the same , if we were ever to grow sick , and if we were ever  to pass away,  we will ALWAYS love you and wish you freedom, love, education, good health and kindness –  to the moon and back- forever and for always – WE LOVE YOU!

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

On this day ….

Nana December 27, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah-

My phone chimed this morning and it was an “on this day” reminder in my photos.    There was the photo of the special dinner we went to before your mom took you to meet dad.     The last time Poppy was able to hug you since you left the following day while he was at work.    The multiple times he has asked simply to see your faces and talk to you are countless.   We went from hearing the response you got when you asked through your tears,  “yes, you can call anytime”,  and “you’ll be back in a few weeks for a doctors appointment “,   to  this present day – never seeing photos, no time for FaceTime,  or hearing voices on phone calls, and they don’t want to speak to you!

Comments that we have done things like lied to hurt you, that you were made to ”drink vinegar”,  that you were abused to the point of turning and doing a 180 from the children who had so much love and need for hugs goodnight kisses on the monitor and laughter, wishes for pick up or drop off by Nana at school, Poppy Nana days to they don’t want to see or hear from you ?

We hoped some adjustment time was all that was needed and that the emotions would subside into truths.     The need for isolation would lessen and reattachment would take a honest and natural turn.   Maybe it still can, and maybe it won’t for years, the pages and documents preserved will help when the day arrives that answers are sought out and these love letters can help guide you to know this simple fact.    Your parents love you both so very much.    They worked very hard to make their way through the demands of the military.    They did so with the help of parents and family who love them.    Every person is an individual and has things they feel or believe in, they have dreams or hopes for how they will live their own lives and not all people envision the same goals, objectives or value the same principles.      And it is all a part of being and living free in a world where when you grow up you do get to choose the life you want.     No one more right or wrong than the other when it comes to choices on things like what style clothes to wear, what type of home to buy or rent, what faith to believe, and what kind of role do you want family to play .      These choices are individual and cannot be right or wrong, they are opinion.    And everyone is entitled to have opinion.

We took thousands of photos over the years to share with mom and dad.   Yet since last December have not seen one .    The issues that are so concerning have more to do with grown up animosity and issues unrelated to innocence of two amazing kids.  The effects of this animosity upon those who are innocent is what is most disturbing .      The need for children to feel loved and bonded so important to child development and  we will always see the following analogy as being your reality , when a person has  no bond,  no ability to cope with trauma, issues with trust and attachment ,  this personal position and deficit,   now becomes the mantra that will be bestowed upon the innocent who had no preconceived notion, no issue with trust or loss, and love from every direction upon them, becomes their own issues of abandonment, distrust, and sorrow. That is the most sad thing of all.

Today we will think of the smiling faces!     The love, the many memories that encompassed nine years of true happiness and fun , and we tell you in this letter of love and hope,  how truly proud we are of you both.   We love our daughter,  her family  and want happiness for all of you, and we also are very experienced in having lived  through seeing the trauma of loss and change, as well as removal from all things loved.  We learned in great detail the long lasting affect of emotional changes that have prevented full growth and maturity to  ascend above the past trauma.  The loss and changes that impact children , how the  “nurture” versus “nature” can be a contributing factor that  impacts  relationships of those who experience adoption, or loss of influenctial loved ones, and life long toll it takes upon the innocent lives of all involved.   We learned that the myriad of circumstances that can coexist among people who cannot find gratitude for what is, and only look to what isn’t or  wasn’t .  It is that knowledge base we have acquired over decades, that is so worrisome to this Nana and Poppy.    The concern for two little ones who had no choices, no options, no way to keep what was loved while they build anew.  Just severed and lies to support the rationale behind it.   That is why this so much more worrisome.   This love letter and all the rest written to you both will hopefully send you  a sense of love, a sense of connection and help you see that it was not with intent that you’ve been put on this situation     It was parental opinion.  Not a lack of love, not an intentional burden for you both    It is the freedom of parents to choose on behalf of their children and  just like us when we tried to help our children out of our love for them , we did not know the extent of the trauma caused by the loss they felt.     They love you both , and it is an opinion or guess  on our part to think that maybe this is all unresolved because they simply cannot yet understand  how the things you have had to adapt to, or the way it this has been handled,  will truly impact you as you grow into adults.    Maybe it will make you strong, maybe it will make you independent and courageous , maybe it will create distrust, or an emotional impass when casual  memories conflict with expectations.   Your lives,  your future is not something we as grandparents take lightly,  and so protecting you as any grandparent would want to do by writing if nothing else – to say you’re loved, and all of your family love you …. to make sure you know how special you are and the good, the joy the happiness you bring to everyone you’ve ever known… to let you know that as your great grandparents age and cannot see the faces of the two of you , they continue to love and think about you with great hope and dreams for you both.   Yes we will write – for all of those reasons – because there is value in knowing how amazing you are, and while the other cousins can see us, can see great grandparents, can have Christmas together, you who always did, cannot.    If you had not ever known this way of family, if you had not spent your entire lives with us so near, it may not be so odd or different for you – but because of what was, because of what had been foundational, we will write.  And as you are loved by mom and dad and other new friends and new family you had not known before, we too will love, we will hope, and we will preserve the story of all our children.    We will keep for you the story of the journeys that began and grew, when we were parents to young children , and the parental perspective of the our story that led them to be where they were  in life when you were born .

Hopeful you enjoy the rest of your vacation and love on mom and dad play and make great memories !   Stay sweet and kind and never forget the love that surrounds you from everywhere  even when you cannot see it!

Love to you both to the moon and back,

May you always be grateful for what is and hold close to your hearts what once was, learn, love and grow- and make the world as bright as you always have!

Forever and for always,

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

A day after Christmas, and the inconceivable …

Nana December 26, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah,

It is the day after Christmas and we are still shocked that the opportunity , the hope and Christmas wish that you’d be granted a call to us for Christmas, came and went unanswered  .   The chance for you two to see all your cousins and wish great grandparents and us too,  happy holidays-  missed opportunity at the chance to share in kindness and love from the family you two have always loved and spent these holidays with has vanished from,  but  despite any holiday or birthday or marking of significant dates you must always know — EVERY DAY we love you from here to the moon and back, forever and for always … and no distance no manipulation of reality or truths,   will ever change the memories we have or the love felt for you both .

The fact that small children must disassociate themselves from people they loved so much ,  to please others ,  is simply gut wrenching.   It’s is all we can do to simply hope hope you had a beautiful Christmas and were able to spread Christmas cheer to new people, maybe some in your daddy’s family and grow and create new loving relationships.   We will  hope your holiday was full of new traditions, love,  laughter and preparations so that the joy you have  is able to outweigh the sorrow and loss.

Merry Christmas sweet children and know that our hearts are full with the love  for you two and for the love you have always had for us and shown us and wishes for amazing tomorrows !   We hope the gifts given and the gifts received this Christmas make your hearts soar, and that some how some way you can still  feel the love we have for you both, despite not being allowed to see or talk to us, despite gifts from us being withheld !  The most important gift we can gift you now is these letters of love that will hopefully one day heal the fractured heart.   May you always remember that Nana/Poppy extravaganza glorious love never goes away!

YOU ARE Loved to the moon and back,

forever and for always,

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?

MERRY CHRISTMAS ?

Nana December 25, 2018 0Comments

Dear Guillianna and Elijah –

Merry Christmas to you both.     We want you to know this being the only Christmas ever in your lives you did not hear from us or see us or get a hug , we love you ? both so very much.     TO THE MOON AND BACK FOREVER and FOR ALWAYS –

Wishing you happiness, peace, days full of laughter, love and memories that warm your soul !

There are no words for the loss and sorrow  that is likely shared by so many at this time-

The only gift we are “allowed” to send to you both this Christmas , as we have been forewarned they are “unwanted by you two” –  is our hope ( and hope is something no one can take from another person) … so please know we send our hope, our dreams, our love!   You two have a shining light inside your hearts,  that will always know truth.     May the days and nights always hold on to that light inside and keep you free of any emotional harm, and  any sorrow of loss,  that you carry into adulthood.

We love you to the moon and back

forever and for always,

XOXOXOXOXOXO

❤️Nana and Poppy❤️?